What Is Life?
by greengirl82
Summary: What happens when your whole world is turned upside down? COMPLETED.
1. The Unexpected Bed Partner

**What Is Life?**

Disclaimer: CBS is the one true master of all things Criminal Minds related. I only wish that we could have Emily stay forever...

Summary: What happens when your whole life is turned upside down?

A/N: This was a little something that came to me and I hope you all enjoy it. It's a bit of angst and drama with a slight touch of smut too. Try not to kill me ok? Possibly a four shot.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.

* * *

"All our experience with history should teach us, when we look back, how badly human wisdom is betrayed when it relies on itself." Martin Luther -

* * *

"Oh God" she moaned, her breath coming out in short pants as he moved within her.

Hotch couldn't believe that this was happening to him, he was here with her. Betraying his girlfriend. That was one thing he never thought he'd ever do. Betray his brunette.

"Jesus, Aaron" she groaned, her short nails digging into the skin on his back of his shoulders.

Hotch felt his heart clutch into his chest as she tightened around him, but he couldn't stop the guilt that ran through him.

Even here with her, he couldn't stop the noise in his head.

Or the voice. Her voice.

Hotch grunted, his brow laced with sweat as he released himself and rolled onto the bed beside her.

Both were panting for air, the bedroom emitted the combined scent of sex and sweat. Looking down at her porcelain white skin, the look in her eyes told him one thing. Love.

He cared about her deeply, but was this love? Was this sex or love? He didn't know for sure.

It should've been a magic moment between the two of them, a bond, a connection but he felt nothing but emptiness.

It wasn't the fact that he was an emotionless robot, words that he's heard to describe him around the BAU. No, he had feelings. But for the woman he was with? He didn't know.

All he knew was that she was a wonderful woman, a good friend, and giving person. Her laughter could make anyone smile. And her smile? That was one of a kind.

But no matter how great the sex was with her, he couldn't stop the gnawing feeling that he's making a mistake each time. But he couldn't help himself.

Ever since he ran into her that day that not long after JJ and Will's wedding, he knew that it was abrupt and brief, but they said their goodbyes.

And he'd been too excited to spend the night with his girlfriend and son. But when he saw her again after she left his life. He felt something, something he couldn't identify.

He didn't know what it was, but it was there. And when he first kissed her, moving a lock of her hair behind her ear, he knew that he was making a choice.

As tough as it was, he knew that this wasn't fair to either woman, but he was torn between the two of them.

Both women held an important role in his life, both were smart and caring, and unique too. But he couldn't stop himself from being with this one behind his girlfriend's back.

There was something that drew him to her, and he knew that it would only take a big wake up call to stop him.

But this woman, was someone who brought something different into his life. He never saw her coming, it was a fluke in life. She was just someone who'd always been a friend.

Did he find her attractive the first time he met her? Sure, he was a man after all.

But the other woman? She

him out of his shell, and he for that he'd always be grateful. She'd hold a special place in his heart for that.

And because she held a spot in Jack's heart too. The three of them when they were together, always had fun.

But no matter how amazing this is, or how wonderful she was, there was still his brunette girlfriend at home waiting for him. She always was.

And he knew he was a world class jackass for betraying a woman who made him feel like it was ok to have a family again. That woman he never saw coming into his life, giving him a second chance at happiness.

As he laid there thinking of the beautiful brunette with the infectious smile, made him feel the stinging pain of betrayal. He did everything to convince her to be in his life, to move in with him and Jack and to share their future together.

But looking down at the woman beside him who losing the battle with sleep, he watched as she moved closer to him wrapping her arms around his chest.

He stilled at the contact, he didn't want this, any of this. But there was no way to fix what he broke. Whether intentional or not, someone was going to come out of this the loser.

And it was all his fault.

"Aaron?" her soft tone spoke, "Are you are you all right?"

'No' he thought, but turned over to look into the soft eyes of his mistress. Mistress, not a word he'd ever use to describe someone like her, but then again he'd never use the word adulterer for himself. But that's what he was.

"I'm just thinking" he told her, watching as she tried to cuddle in closer to him.

"About her?" she asked, there was no hint of anger or hate only questioning, "Aaron, what are we going to do?"

The dark haired man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I don't know."

"Are you going to tell her?" she asked, "You are going to end things with her, right?"

That sent a wave of panic through him. Did he want to end things with her to be with the woman beside him? He didn't think so but if he were honest with himself, he didn't have a clue.

"Aaron?" she repeated in the darkening bedroom, her fingers walking up his chest, "Sweetie, it's best to be honest with her. This is going to hurt everyone, and it's better to get it over with."

Hotch sat up in disgust with himself, "I said 'I don't know', which means I don't know what I'm going to do."

The brunette sat up, resting her head against his shoulder, "I'm not trying to upset you, Aaron. I just think we need to tell Emily the truth, and the sooner that happens the sooner we can be together again."

Hotch shot the woman a look, "Really Beth? I don't think this is the time to discuss if we're in a relationship or not."

Beth pulled back, tilting her head to the side, "Don't you want to be a couple again? Isn't this," she indicated between themselves, "What this is about?"

Hotch turned picking up his boxers, "I think I need a break."

"Aaron?" the brunette frowned, "Don't you love me?"

"I'm still in love with Emily," Hotch zipped up his slacks, "I've never stopped."

That made her narrow her eyes on him, "Then what are you doing here making love with me?"

"I don't know" he muttered, "But I'm going home."

The brunette pulled the sheet up covering herself, "Well, I think it'd be best if we not see each other until you figure out who you want."

The dark haired man knotted up his tie, "I think that's a wise decision" grabbing his suit jacket he headed for the bedroom door, "I never intended for any of this to happen, Beth."

The woman just sat there in shock, she knew that as much she regretted her break up with Hotch after his friends wedding, that this time she wasn't going to lose her man. Not when she was this close to her own happy ending.

Hotch stood silently in front of his apartment door nervous. This always happened since those three weeks ago that he embarked on the affair with Beth.

Dropping his head quietly on his door, he wondered what the hell got into him, how could he cheat on a beautiful woman like Emily Prentiss.

A woman who with one look or quirky quip could make your whole world brighter. Hell her laughter alone made his heart flutter, still does.

"Jackass" he muttered to himself, because that's what he was. Resting his head against the door, he closed his eyes counting to ten.

He deserved everything that the brunette threw at him, and then some.

Berating himself for his behavior was the least of his problems, he was downright afraid.

After all she just gave up everything to be with him, her apartment and her own independence to be with him. What did he bring to the relationship? His emotional baggage and damaged goods? He cheats on her like some lowlife.

Unlocking the door, he quietly pushed in the door and sighed, this was going to be a long night.

* * *

Arthur Miller said, "Betrayal is the only truth that sticks."

* * *

**To Be Continued...**

I hope you all were surprised by who Hotch's bed mate was... be on the look out for chapter two.

Remember to leave a review.


	2. The Truth Isn't Always Easy

**What Is Life?**

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, if I did Paget Brewster would've stayed forever...

Summary: Emily learns a something big from Hotch...

A/N: Hope everyone is enjoying the story, just don't chuck tomatoes at me. I'll be trying to post these once a week until the story is done. Ok?

Now on to chapter two...

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.

* * *

Arthur Miller said, "Betrayal is the only truth that sticks."

* * *

Emily awoke to the sound of the front door opening, and she sat up her eyes shutting tightly as the onset of bright lights temporarily blinded her now waking mind.

"Aaron?" Emily called out, looking over at the dark haired man as he slowly removed his suit jacket, "Sweetie?"

Hotch turned around, "Sorry to wake you."

"What time is it?" she couldn't force her eyes to look at the clock, but judging by the reflection of the moonlight, it had to be late.

"A little past one" Hotch said, turning back around unbuttoning the cuff links on his shirt, "You should probably go back to sleep, Em."

Emily frowned at that, as much as she loved him she knew that something was off with him. He'd been acting off and aloof for a few weeks now, but she had no idea as to the reason why.

She counted herself lucky to have amazing friends, ones that listened and advised her to speak up and it looks like that's going to be now.

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she paused watching. Even to an untrained profiler, she knew that there was something off with him.

It wasn't just his recent short attitude with the locals when they went away on a case, or his flippant demeanor when she tried to question him with what was wrong. There was something else, just under the surface.

Watching as he was moving slowly towards the closet she could feel her stomach clench by the way he was shooting looks at her.

"What is it?" she asked, sitting up in bed.

"Excuse me?" Hotch asked, turning to face her.

"Aaron" she said nervously licking her lip, "I know something's off, tell me what's wrong? Is it work?"

"Work is work" Hotch answered with a sigh, "You know the job."

Emily folded her hands in her lap, chewing on her lower lip, "Aaron, talk to me. Whatever it is, I know something's wrong."

Hotch removed his tie setting it down on the chair next to him and took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

He looked over at the brunette beauty sitting on their bed and felt like the disgusted with himself. He really was the biggest ass in the world.

He couldn't believe this was his life. He had a strong, beautiful woman, not just his girlfriend, the love of his life looking at him and all he felt was regret and betrayal. There was no way to live. There was no forgiving this.

"Aaron?" Emily repeated, "You can talk to me, you know that."

The dark haired agent took a deep breath, "I've done something bad, Emily."

Emily's head shot up at that, she felt the air leave her lungs but she was amazed that she was able to speak.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

Hotch felt his heart break when he looked into her eyes and saw no emotion just a blank stare.

"I've been having an affair" Hotch told her, "I'm sorry."

Emily took a deep breath, trying to find the will to form a coherent word, "How long?"

"A few weeks" he murmured, looking down at the carpet, his black dress shoe rubbing the faded coloring, "Three."

He looked up when he heard Emily hiss at that getting off of the bed, "Who?"

The dark haired man watched as Emily stood by the side table next to the bed, picking her nail, "It's Beth isn't it?"

"Yeah" Hotch whispered, watching Emily slowly nod at that, "I never intended to hurt you..."

"Three weeks" she repeated, "You've been seeing Beth for three weeks? Wait, isn't that when you got sidelined from the Detroit case? That's when, isn't it?"

"I ran into her at the park" Hotch explained, watching her shake her head.

"Spare me the details, Hotch" she said, keeping her tone neutral, "Are you in love with her?"

"I still love you, Emily" Hotch told her.

"Are you in love with her?" she repeated, her mind going over different scenarios playing out in her mind.

"I don't know" Hotch told her, he didn't think so but he wasn't sure.

"You've been screwing her for weeks but you don't know if you love her?" she scoffed, "Are you leaving me for her?"

His mind was racing in eight different directions with all her questions, ones he wished he had the answers to, but didn't.

Hotch ran his hand over his mouth before removing it, "I don't know."

"Well then let me make your choice easier for you" she sniffled, trying to maintain her composure "I'll leave."

He watched as she marched over to the closet putting on jeans then grabbed her coat before moving to the side table grabbing her gun and credentials.

* * *

Hotch told his mind to move as she marched into the living room, sliding her feet into her black boots she stood up.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, watching her gather up her small belongings.

"What exactly are you sorry for?" her detached voice asked.

His heart was pounding fast as his mind told him don't let her leave.

"For hurting you" he said, "Not being the man that you deserved, but I'm still in love with you."

"Irrelevant now" she said, zipping up her go bag, "I'm making your choice easier. Letting you end this relationship with a clear conscience."

"You don't have to leave" he told her, "I don't want you to leave."

"Just answer one thing, Hotch" she sniffled, "Why her? You ended things with her to be with me, why go back to her if you say you love me? Is it because she's not damaged goods?"

"No" Hotch said, walking towards her, "It's because she lets me in."

"So you cheated on me because I close myself off?" she asked narrowing her eyes, "You're a real piece of work Hotch."

"I am sorry" Hotch told her, "God, I never wanted any of this to happen."

Turning the doorknob, "Goodbye, Hotch."

She felt herself be pulled away from the door, "I still love you Emily."

The brunette felt him pull her to him, wrapping his hands around her waist, she squirmed against him trying to free herself.

"You don't do this to someone you claim to love, Hotch" she whispered, her walls going up, "Now let me go."

"Emily, you can't go wandering the streets like this" Hotch told her, "Where are you going to go?"

"Anywhere but here" she told him, squirming to get out of his hold, her tone dropping "Take your hands off me."

"What about your stuff?" Hotch asked, trying to change her mind.

"I don't need it" she told him, "Sell it, give it to charity. But I can't be here with you anymore."

He loosened his grip on her, hearing the resignation in her tone, "Please just stay the night. I'll sleep on the couch, Emily?"

"I can't be in the same room with you Hotch, not anymore" Emily told him, "Just let me go."

"I never wanted this to happen," he turned away from her, "We still work together... I still love you, I still want you."

Emily's eyes dropped to the floor, "How can you even say that but still did this to me, to us?"

"Give me a chance to prove how much you still mean to me" Hotch said, "I know you have no reason to trust me..."

"Trust you?" Emily repeated, "I can't stand to look at you let alone be in the same room with you without wanting to inflict bodily harm on you. How would you have liked it if I went out and fucked someone else?"

"I'd be jealous, angry" Hotch admitted, "But I'd still want us. This is our home, Emily. I never brought her into our home."

"That doesn't make me feel any better" she whispered.

Cupping her cheeks, he saw her flinch at the contact,pulling her into a reluctant kiss, "Let me get us something to drink and we can talk about this."

As he turned to walk out of the living room, "No matter what this is your home Emily."

"This was never my home" she whispered.

"No matter what, I never stopped loving you," Hotch said standing in the kitchen, "Do you want some tea or a scotch?"

Hotch looked up when he didn't hear any reply, "Emily? Emily?"

He walked out of the kitchen to see the front door open with her gone "Emily?"

Rushing for the door, he already knew she was gone, but still couldn't stop himself from running outside and finding no trace of her left.

He knew he screwed up, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket he dialed Emily's cell phone, only to hear the ringing device on his left next to his service weapon.

* * *

Hotch stepped off the elevator, and prayed that his brunette was sitting at her desk only to feel his heart falter when he saw the empty desk.

He sent a quick message to Garcia to gather Emily's credit card bills to track down her recent purchases. He needed to track Emily, to apologize and beg for forgiveness.

After last night and his lack of sleep, he knew what he wanted, and a relationship with his ex-girlfriend was definitely not it.

His missed her in their bed, his apartment was empty without her presence and that's what woke him up.

He didn't even know why he wanted the other brunette in the first place.

At first he had initially thought it was because she leaned on him, needed him to make the decisions but then he realized he didn't like that or want that.

He had that for nearly twenty years when he was with Haley, and that's when he figured out that it was his guilt of moving on from Haley's death by jumping into a relationship with Beth then ending it to be with Emily that made him falter.

He wanted a strong, tough and self reliant woman and that was Emily. But now he screwed up, he hoped he'd get the chance to apologize, set things right. Tell her that he never wanted anyone, only ever her.

Hotch stood on the catwalk deep in thought when he saw Garcia rush through the bullpen towards him.

"Did you find her?" Hotch asked.

"Sorry sir" Garcia said sullenly, "She hasn't used her credit cards, ATM, or cell phone since yesterday afternoon. If I may ask, why would Emily run away again? She's been happy since you two..."

The blonde narrowed her eyes, "What did you do?"

"Excuse me?" Hotch asked.

"Yesterday afternoon she told us that something was off with you" Garcia said slowly backing away, "And today she's gone? You did something that made her run. Well know this sir, you made this mess, you find her. If she leaves this team again because of you... There's no place on Earth that can save you from my wrath."

Hotch turned on his heel going up the steps to his office, watching the blonde analyst carefully monitor his moves before returning to her own office.

As he walked into his office, he paused when he saw it, stunned by the image on his desk. There sat a service gun, a badge and credentials.

Hotch felt his heart drop at the sight of the items, he walked slowly to his desk and picked up two sheets of paper.

One made his stomach recoil, a resignation letter from Emily, and it was already signed off with approval from Strauss.

The other was a goodbye letter addressed to him.

_'This will probably hurt me more then it'll hurt you, but I choose to leave the BAU this time'_ he read _'Leave on my own terms. I can't be around you now because it hurts too much to look at you._'

_'I know there was a moment where you asked yourself whether you were making the right decision with Beth, because lets face there's always a moment and you had yours, even if you're questioning or second guessing it now'_ she wrote, _'I do believe that you think you're still in love with me, but sometimes love just isn't enough. And well you're a piece of shit, because you don't do this to someone you love. Emily.'_

Hotch sank down in his chair, re-reading her words and closing his eyes, he deserved this. Everything that she dished out in this letter was true.

But no matter what it said, no matter how bad he screwed up, he knew with all his heart that he still loved her.

He lost the only woman that had loved him completely without compromise and it was his own fault.

Looking down at the photo on his desk of him, Emily and Jack he took a deep breath. He wasn't giving up, not without a fight.

He loved her just that much and he needed to find her.

* * *

"One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal though... betrayal is willful slaughter of hope." Steven Dietz

* * *

**To Be Continued...**

I know, I know, I know that Hotch was a little ooc, but bare with me because things are just getting interesting...

I hope you're all still with me on this. Don't forget to leave a review.


	3. In Desperate Times

**What Is Life?**

Disclaimer: Of course we all know that CBS owns Criminal Minds.

Summary: Hotch will do anything to make it up to Emily, even if it's illegal...

A/N: Here's the third chapter, I hope you're all still with me on this...

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.

* * *

"I have learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides the pig likes it." George Bernard Shaw

* * *

Emily sighed, rolling on her side burying her face into her pillows but the only thing that accomplished was give her an imagined scent of his strong essence.

And that infuriated her enough to throw the so-called tainted pillow out the window. She didn't want his essence around her. Not after what he's done.

After all, didn't he literally break her? Didn't he go and screw that ex of his? Hell fucking yeah.

Flipping over onto back, she growled due to the fact that not only could she not sleep, she could still hear his voice in her mind.

_'I still love you Emily' _he said making her roll her eyes at that.

"Yeah right, liar" she muttered.

She knew leaving the way she did wasn't exactly professional, and that her mother would raise hell for her lack of decorum at resigning from the BAU, but right now she didn't give a damn.

She had a right to leave. Would anyone really want to work with their two timing boyfriend?

_'Ex boyfriend'_ her mind reminded her,_ 'Ex.'_

"I know that" she muttered. She knew that it was wrong to just up and leave everyone at the BAU, but didn't she deserve to be angry?

Her anger towards Hotch wasn't completely unjustified. After all she was a big girl and could handle a break up but for him to offer to take care of her post break up to keep her from leaving? That wasn't going to happen.

She knew running out of his apartment was juvenile as well, but if she wanted to avoid a prison term she needed to get out before she unloaded her service weapon into his manhood.

But apparently to him that message didn't comprehend through his thick skull, because she got a hot tip from a weeping Garcia that he was running a trace on her credit cards, cell phone and bank statements.

Even though the blonde adamantly promised not to trace her, that didn't stop him from using Kevin. Or more likely scare compliance from him.

And he seemed to be on the hunt for her even more, so she did the only thing she knew how to do. Run. It was what she was good at, and if she had to run all the way across the world, she'd do that.

She was just grateful that there was no one who could track her here.

Flopping on her side, she just wished her mind would shut off because this noise was killing her.

"You've survived worse, Prentiss" Emily muttered to herself, "Hell I got sideswiped by two cars, I can handle a break up."

Emily knew that once something stuck with Hotch, he'd fight like hell to hang onto it. But not this time. Not with him, she told herself. There was no way she'd wilt like a flower and just forgive him.

That's not who she was, even if he crawled on his hands knees through broken glass...

That thought made her smirk, all the ways to torture Aaron Hotchner and each one would be more painful then the last. After all she was a trained spy and could make him feel physically what half of what she was feeling emotionally.

"God" she groaned, she hated these emotions running through her. This was not how she was when she first joined the BAU. She was not an angry bitter person, and she didn't want to be either.

And if by judging the last two phone conversations with her blonde friends were any fact, she was becoming someone different, and she didn't like it.

The one thing that she loathed and despised was attention, and now he was choosing to dispense that, now that he'd been caught.

For her whole life she never wanted attention. Anyone who knew her, knew that she always hated it. That was a known fact within the three different agencies she'd been with.

The brunette took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she counted backwards from one hundred, the numbers going down but the sleep still within finger reached, she told herself that she'd rather go through root canal without the novacaine instead of dealing with ways to torture the man who was slowly driving her insane.

Restlessly rolling from her back to her side, she tried to get the image of his dark eyes staring at her in a mixture of remorse and concern. That made her heart clench until the other woman's face came to her mind rolling around with Hotch in a bed.

"Oh for the love of God" she practically screamed to herself as she buried her head under her pillows, "Just let me sleep."

Taking a deep breath, she forced her eyes shut, willing her mind to shut itself off for now.

She knew that she had a long weekend a head of her, and unfortunately it'll be without her former boyfriend or his son.

Taunting images of him and his new paramore sleeping together continually played out in her mind and she just knew that if she saw that woman she'd beat the shit out of her with her bare hands.

That thought gave her satisfaction, and she let the lull of sleep finally pull her in.

* * *

Hotch sighed as he pulled up outside the house, he never knew just how much he missed her until now.

Though it had only been a week since he confessed his affair followed by her prompt resignation, he missed her. To him, it was like he was missing the other piece of himself. And he was.

Jack's continuous asking for the brunette made him feel even more guilty. They really were a family and he screwed that up, again. He systematically decimated every chance of happiness that came across his path.

This made him want to kick his own ass. Realization of just how much his actions didn't affect him hit him like a freight train.

He just didn't obliterate his own life or hers, but Jack's as well. Factor in the woman he let slip into their lives, in to his relationship and he ruined four lives.

Hotch knew he was a lot of things but a quitter wasn't one of it. He loved Emily way too much to lose her to the stupidity of his choices and actions. And he was far too much of an alpha male to sit back and let the best thing in his life pass him by.

As much as he wanted his inner caveman to conk her on the head and drag her back to his place, he knew that all that would accomplish is her running away even further then she already had.

So here he sat in his car, outside her old friend's home. The one that the team had been to once, but not him. Tom Koehler's home that she purchased to hide Declan and Louise.

And God he felt like a stalker, an outsider wanting desperately to be let back in.

Contrition ran through him, he wanted nothing more then to kick in the front door and hold her in his arms with promises of being the man who once earned her trust and respect. He just wanted her trust back.

Because out of everything that he lost, that was a big factor for both of them, had always been trust. In any relationship there always was a moment where you either trust or let go, and he hated that she chose to let go.

Not that he could really blame her, because this was completely not the norm for him and he hated the fact that he caused her even an ounce of pain. Hell he was in pain himself, but shaking his head, this wasn't about his pain. This was about her.

He needed her to listen to him, and he knew the only way to get her to listen to him was throw her off her game because she was just as stubborn and pigheaded as he was. And he could admit that as bad as he was hurting, this was worst for her.

Because he did the one thing he'd promised he'd never do. Break her heart.

Just picturing her face when he told her about his affair with made him double over in pain. Her voice sounding so distant and detached, she was putting the mask back on. Compartmentalizing this, by letting him go.

That surge of fear hit him where it mattered, his heart. He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't imagine how he managed to survive all these years without her to begin with.

He stepped out of his SUV with purpose, telling himself that he wasn't going to lose her. He'd do anything to make this up to her.

Quickly scanning the dark neighborhood, he hurried across the street towards the spacious house, not once factoring in just how bad this would look to an outsider.

He ducked when a car turned on the street, the headlights flashing at the window while he tried to control his rapidly beating heart.

Hotch shook his head at the absurdity of his behavior. It screamed borderline psychotic, but this was the only way he knew to get her attention.

Slowly making his way over to the front door, he checked under the mat for the spare key only to find it missing.

Taking a deep breath he moved towards the back of house, bypassing the fence and checking the back door.

Grumbling in defeat, his only option left was to break in. He quietly moved towards the backdoor that led into the garage, and tried there.

"Bingo" Hotch murmured, there was something she forgot to lock.

The one thing that everyone knew about Emily was her borderline O.C.D. and her constant need to check then double check everything until it was done to perfection.

And her forgetting to lock the garage door? That meant she wasn't her usual self. And he'd have laughed if he didn't feel like crying. He really did break her heart.

Hotch wandered through the garage, checking the door that separated the garage from the house, he walked in to the warm house.

He didn't know this home, he couldn't assess the quirks or squeaks that settled through the tastefully decorated home. But he'd like to think that someday he and Emily could have a home like this. He briefly remembered her backing out of purchasing a home on DuPont before she moved in with him.

But he didn't feel the warmth of this house, even as he looked at the pictures on the wall of Declan with Louise and Tom. There were even a few others of the blonde boy with Emily.

Making his way towards her staircase he nearly tripped over a discarded boot. That's when he knew she was really pissed off.

If there was one thing that everyone knew and could be said with complete honesty, that Emily Prentiss was never one not to keep a clean home. An untidy one meant one thing. Anger.

Righting himself he moved up the stairs carefully this time, and as he reached the top step he winced hearing a squeak of the loose floor board.

Looking over at the semi closed bedroom door, he let out a breath of relief that she hadn't heard him and continued down the narrow hallway.

Slowly and as quietly as he could, he pushed open the door and froze in place when he saw Sergio sitting on the edge of the bed staring at him with an strange intensity.

When Hotch movement, the dark cat's eyes followed each step.

Moving forward Hotch was blindsided with a kick to the abdomen which caused him to keel over from the intensity of the sharp blow which left him gasping for air.

However that didn't stop the onslaught of punches and kicks that flew at him.

Falling to his knees, Hotch raised his hands to shield his face when the barefoot came in contact to his ear he grabbed on tugging on the slender ankle bringing the attacker down with a thud.

* * *

"Ugh" a feminine voice muttered, before a swift kick of the foot knocked him on his back, "Son of a bitch."

"Damn it" Hotch grumbled, trying to sit up.

"Aaron?" Emily said, propping herself on her elbows, "What the fuck?"

"Nice to see you too, sweetheart" Hotch half joked only to get kicked in the shin, "Ow. Do you mind?"

"Yes I mind" Emily said, pulling herself up, "What the hell are you doing breaking in this house?"

"Checking in on you" he answered watching Emily turn the bedside lamp on, "You haven't returned my calls, Dave told me that you turned down dinner at his place?"

"We're broken up, ass hat" she said, moving towards the bedroom door, "I don't answer calls from douche bag exes."

"Emily" he grumbled in pain as he stood up, he didn't see the spark of concern that quickly flashed through her at his bruised face but it was replaced with an image of him and Beth.

"Jeez, Aaron why the hell do you think I'm here alone? Not answering your calls?" she told him, "Could that possibly have something to do with the fact we're over?"

"Sweetheart..." he started moving towards her only to watch her back up.

"Hotch" she said, her voice laced with anger, "I can't be around you because of what you've done. Get this through your head, we're over."

"I don't accept that" he told her, "Did I screw up? Yes. Do I regret my actions? Absolutely, but we love each other and we can work through this..."

"Work through this?" she repeated, shaking her head, "There's no way to work through cheating, Hotch. You think I can just snap my fingers and be over it? No."

"Emily..." he started, only to be shot with a pointed look.

"Think of it this way" she shot back, moving passed him to the doorway, "How would you feel if it were I who cheated on you, huh? Bet you wouldn't like it. I know you..." she turned with a hard look, "And you could never forgive that."

She enunciated the last part, "And neither can I."

"Emily" he sighed, "I would try to understand it, work through it..."

"Don't" she scoffed, "Don't try to placate this, Aaron, we both know it's about trust. You couldn't trust me enough to tell me that you had doubts about us..."

His head shot up at that, he knew the tone in her voice wasn't about malice it was just her speaking the truth.

"And now I can't trust you enough to forgive you, not right now" she told him, "You need to back off and give me space."

"But is there a chance?" he asked, "For us?"

"I can't give you an answer to that" she told him, "Because right now, all I want is for you to feel half of what I'm feeling right now and the only thing that's running through my mind is, no, there is no chance."

The brunette turned on her heel storming out of the bedroom, she couldn't be in such a confined space with him. She felt like the walls were closing in on her and needed to get out.

That didn't sit well with Hotch though, he knew that if he wanted to win her trust back, that giving her space would be the right thing to do, but the rational part of him was not thinking.

Following her down the stairs, he watched as she scurried down the last steps.

"You need to leave, Hotch" she said, turning around, "Go."

"Hey I know that you're angry and upset but you can't let this be the end" he told her, he could feel himself sinking into anger, she glared at him, "I can never tell you enough just how sorry I am, Emily, but please don't give up on us..."

"I didn't give up, Hotch" she said, inching towards the front door, "You're the one that went and decided to play Russian roulette with our relationship, for her. But if it's your main kick in life then fine by all means go ahead and blame me again."

"Excuse me?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, "You think this is hard on you?"

"Jesus, you're making me nuts" she groaned in frustration, "You told me you didn't know if you loved her, well that's a pretty big indicator that you obviously don't love me enough to tell me the truth."

"I made a mistake" he whispered, "I know I screwed up. I never intended for this to happen."

"Three weeks, Aaron" she said, the edge in her tone was sharp, "Three weeks of sneaking around and deceit... and screwing Beth."

"You want me to feel as bad as you do?" he asked her, "Fine then, come on."

"What?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at his odd behavior.

"Hit me" he told her, raising his hands in the air, "I saw that satisfied look upstairs when you saw it was me that you were pummeling."

"I don't know what game your playing" she said, folding her arms with a disbelieving look, "But it won't work. Now go, before I do something I know I won't regret."

Turning on her heel for the front door, she felt him grab at her arm.

"I'm being serious here, Emily" he told her, "If it makes you feel better, go head and beat the shit out of me."

"You think that's going to make me forgive you?" she frowned, "Are you high?"

"I know you can sufficiently take down grown men," he told her, "I'm giving you a chance to show me just how pissed off you're feeling."

"It's not going to work, Hotch" she told him, wrenching herself free of his grasp, "You think this is going to make me say, 'Oh I forgive you for fucking another woman?' Its over, Hotch."

He could feel his anger coursing up and without a second thought he pulled the brunette towards him not missing the way her eyes shot up to his in surprise, and gave her a hard and deep kiss.

The brunette felt the way his hands wrapped around her back as he pulled her into a searing kiss, one that she'd love to respond to, but her mind snapped her into focusing. Hotch. Beth. Betrayal.

Without a second thought, she stomped her barefoot on his sneaker wearing one hearing his hiss of pain shoving him off of her and scampering off towards the kitchen with Hotch hot on her trail.

Slinking through the living room, Hotch looked up when he saw the room go black, he knew she'd do this differently then he had anticipated.

Now he had to show her that he's sorry, even though she didn't believe him.

Hearing light footsteps, he quickly spun around only to fall flat on his back, kicking out his leg he flipped her onto her back, and before she could realize it, he was straddling her.

Chuckling at the wiggling brunette, he felt a swift knee hit his abdomen, doubling over in pain.

Her newly grown nails dug into his arms as she gave him a hard shove off of her and scampered away from the persistent man who was pulling on her leg.

Emily halfway turned around and kicked at his left shoulder, causing him to let go of her and she reached the coffee table grabbing the handcuffs.

When she turned around she was tackled and the two fell over the coffee table onto the carpeted floor.

"Jesus, Aaron" Emily groaned out from the added weight pressed on her.

She knew she wasn't the only one in pain when she felt the man shake as he tried to sit up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and flipped them over so she was on top.

His eyes opened up when he felt the cool medal click around his wrist, then was doubly surprised when she placed the other cuff on the coffee table leg.

"Emily?" his voice full of confusion.

"Listen to me" she told him pulling him up to her, "I'm pissed off, and I'm hurting, but you can't come here and do this to me, because you being here makes me want to leave the state all together."

That made his eyes widen in horror at the thought that not only had he lost her, he'd never get to see her again.

"I told you, I need time" she reminded him, "You need to let me be for now."

"But..." he faltered, "Are your resignation from the BAU?"

"I don't know" she sighed, with a shrug of her shoulders, "I just don't feel like myself there anymore. I don't know what the future holds but I need to find it on my own."

"I'm sorry" he whispered, "I guess you really hate me, don't you?"

"I don't hate you" she admitted, "But you, being here and hovering isn't going to work to try and win me back, Aaron. I need time to think, and so do you."

He nodded his head, trying to sit up only to feel the cool metal hit his wrist and winced, "Emily?"

The brunette reached over, undoing the handcuffs freeing him. She watched as he slowly stood up and moved towards the door.

"Emily?" he repeated, watching as stood by the front door, "I'll give you your space but I'm not giving up on us. Not ever."

The brunette turned her head away from him as he walked out of the house.

Dropping the handcuffs on the table, she knew that this place, this house wasn't for her anymore. Not since he knew where she was.

She needed a place where he hadn't been because, despite what she told him, if she saw him she didn't know whether to punch him or kiss him.

And she still needed time.

* * *

Sun Tzu said, "To fight and conquer in all your battles is not the supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemies resistance without fighting."

* * *

**To Be Continued...**

I hope you all enjoyed this, don't forget to leave a review.

And I promise the next chapter will have you cheering...


	4. Facing Off With The Enemy

**What Is Life?**

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, enough said.

Summary: Don't ever say that she can't take care of herself, especially when it comes to those she loves...

A/N: Here's the moment everyone has been waiting for the face off of Emily versus Beth.

Enjoy chapter four of the story and I hope you're all still with me on this.

Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it enough to leave a review.

* * *

Hermoine Gingold said, "Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue."

* * *

Emily stood in the living room of her hotel, her cell phone attached to her ear, "I'm assuming you're calling either to ask me forgive you or arrest me for beating you up."

"On a scale of one to infinity, are you sure you're not coming back to the BAU?" Hotch asked, not missing the groan of frustration, "Hey, this isn't me asking, it's Strauss."

"Damn woman" Emily muttered, "You know if we just told her why I left it'd be easier so she could've asked one of the others to ask me back instead of my cheating, lying..."

"I thought you said you didn't hate me" Hotch protested, "Isn't that what you told me three weeks ago?"

"You mean since you broke into my friend's house?" she snapped, trying to remind herself that she needed to learn to keep her temper in check.

"I told you I was sorry about breaking and entering" he told her, "Look, do you want me to tell Strauss?"

"I don't know" she told him, "I'm not exactly thrilled with the idea of someone else injecting themselves in our relationship."

That renewed his still broken heart, her saying 'our relationship', that made him feel a sense of mild relief he hadn't felt in over a month.

Hotch let out a sigh, she could hear the tension in his controlled demeanor.

"Well, what do you want to do?" he asked her.

"I told you we should take some time apart" she told him.

"No I meant about with Strauss" he told her, his hope faltering, "Emily, this is ridiculous. Can you just come in and you can speak with her yourself?"

The brunette stiffened her shoulders, as much as she wanted to do nothing more but go to him, she told herself to stay firm. Shaking her head at that thought, she told herself to stay in the presence of mind not the past of what they once were.

"I'll talk to her tomorrow" she said, the finality evident in her voice, "I'm too tired to deal with this now. Good night."

Readying to go to bed, she was about to hang up when he called out to her.

"Emily, I've told her, that I don't want to be with her" Hotch's remorseful tone said, "I don't love her, I've never loved her. I'm in love with you."

"I can't do this now" the brunette ran her hand across her face, "Goodbye, Hotch."

She tossed her cell phone onto the hotel couch and wandered over to the bed. She didn't need to hear that, not now. No matter how much her heart was betraying her, she still needed time.

It was bad enough that he had kept the fact that his former girlfriend had still been in town, but to go and see her behind her back was one thing, that she could've forgiven but not the cheating. Or at least that's what she'd tell herself.

As much as she wanted to be a catty, territorial woman and handle this old school, the former agent in her told her to be the bigger person and walk away.

And she hated it when the adult in her won out. Because she wanted nothing more then to go track down the brunette bimbo and pound her face in.

Rolling on her side, Emily fell asleep with images of the other woman with Hotch.

* * *

The brunette awoke with a start, and had to get her barrings before she realized what woke her up.

The shrilling ringing of her cell phone was what startled her from her sleep, and looking down she decided against answering it. Hotch again.

There was no way that she could deal with him again, they were separated. She knew from the number that it wasn't his office phone but private cell phone number. Which meant it wasn't about her returning.

She knew that as genuine as his apology was, they needed boundaries right now, even if he wasn't willing to accept that. The few times that had spoken with the others about her departure they tried to convince her to come back, not for him but for the team.

But the men didn't know why she left, well she suspected that Dave knew but not Morgan otherwise Hotch still wouldn't be breathing.

He may have told Beth that he didn't want to be with her, but he still didn't set a boundary in their relationship regarding exes. And that didn't help the doubt in her stomach that he had still spoken with the other woman.

Oh she knew that he'd want to not see her again, but she knew that woman and she wouldn't give up without a fight because the few times she met the older brunette, she could see from the looks that she shot him that she was more invested in Hotch then he of her.

Did she want to be back with Hotch and Jack? Yes, but thanks to the little interloper, she had a hard time trusting him. And she knew not all of the blame was squarely on the other woman but on Hotch too, and herself. She didn't like to admit it but if she had been more attentive and open with him she could've seen this coming.

And now there was a very good chance she'd be alone for the rest of her life, and having that along with working beside him was what prompted her to leave the BAU. She needed to focus on herself and what she wanted before making a decision of forgiving or forgetting him. He needed that choice too, of what he wanted.

Getting off the bed, she walked towards the bathroom with one thought in mind. Not let this get to her, because if she goes to every worst case scenario, there's a very good chance she'd end up in either holding cell or a padded cell.

Closing her hotel room door, she told herself that if it took her the rest of her life she was bound and determined to not be rolled over by anyone ever again.

Stepping off the elevator, Emily had her eyes trained on the text message she'd received regarding her meeting with Strauss when she felt someone grab her by the elbow.

Looking up she was stunned to see the other woman that ruined her life, and her relationship in front of her.

"Going somewhere?" she asked, wearing a smirk on her face.

"What do you want?" Emily demanded, "Or are you stalking me along with Hotch?"

The older woman exhaled a breathy laugh, her eyes trained on Emily with a hint of amusement in them.

"We need to talk" she told Emily.

"About what?" she countered, "How you purposely set out to destroy my relationship with Aaron? Or how you're desperate to steal him away from me?"

The woman raised an eyebrow, "Well if you're staying here then that must mean he threw you out."

"So, as I said, are you here to stalk me or make smart ass remarks?" the brunette asked.

She knew she should just walk pass the woman and ignore her. But she was tired of being the bigger person.

"Oh" the annoying woman mocked, "Is that suppose to be an insult? Oh, ho."

Emily balled her hand into a fist, not only was she having to deal with this woman inserting herself in her relationship with Hotch but now she had to sit back and be insulted too?

"Are you having a bad day?" she whispered mockingly.

"What the hell do you want?" Emily asked, watching the other woman's arm itching to grasp onto her.

"As I said, we need to talk" the woman nodded her head to a quiet place in the lobby.

"Fine" Emily grumbled, "But hurry this up, some of us actually have to work for a living."

"Stay away from Aaron Hotchner" the woman said, her eyes staring into Emily's.

"You've got to be kidding me" Emily muttered, "Have you lost your mind? First of all you do not tell me who I can or can't be near, and second of all you need to get over your little one sided infatuation with Hotch. He maybe too nice to say it, but I'm not. He's not in love with you."

* * *

Hotch sat in his office, shutting himself off from the rest of his team.

He never wanted to lead her on, but there was no way to disway his ex-girlfriend that he's not interested in seeing her anymore. He knew that the blame landed squarely on his shoulders for even re-engaging in a sexual relationship with the woman.

And when he told her so, he thought she was going to punch him in the face.

Rubbing his hands across his face, he looked up when he heard his office door open, "Oh by all means, come on in."

"She still won't talk to you, huh?" JJ asked.

"Whatever gave you that impression?" Hotch snapped out, then quickly regretted it, "I'm sorry, JJ."

"It's fine, I get it" she said dismissively, "But have you tried telling her the truth?"

"Which her?" Hotch asked, setting aside the paper work he knew that he'd never get to, "Emily or Beth?"

"You know which her" JJ said with a raised eyebrow, "I know you've been talking with Emily, and apologizing like crazy."

"And she hangs up after each and every try" Hotch muttered.

"Have you ever thought of telling her the truth?" she asked, watching his eyes roll at that, "I mean the real truth, about why you hooked up with Beth in the first place?"

The blank expression on his face made her groan in frustration, "Jesus Hotch, you think I didn't know, did you?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

The blonde strolled up to the desk ripping the pen from his hand, "For some weird reason you've got this weird need to think you don't deserve to be happy" pacing in front of his desk, "I don't know whether it comes from the fact that you still feel like a failure from your marriage to Haley or if this stems from your childhood but..."

"Alright, alright, alright" he cut her off, "I didn't realize when you signed up to be a profiler you took a side class as a shrink."

"Please this is from years of knowing you" she stopped moving to face him, "But look, as much as I love you like a brother, Emily is one of my best friends and lets face it, you screwed up big time."

"I know that" he muttered, eyeing his cell phone, "I don't know what to do."

"Well since you won't give her the one thing she wanted which was space, then you need to sit down with her and be honest about everything with her" she sighed, "You already apologized which didn't help in your favor, but if you love her, and I mean really love her, then you just need to tell her how you're feeling about why you turned from her."

"I don't think that's going to help" he murmured, "I mean how would you like it if Will sat you down and gave you a list of reasons why he cheated on you?"

"Will would never do that" she told him, "He'd be too afraid that I shoot him in the junk" taking a deep breath, "But honestly I would want a reason, a long, good sit down talk of what was going wrong with us to figure out how to fix it together."

He snorted at that while she shot him a look.

"Did you even consider doing that?" she asked, "Or did you just spring the affair on her all at once?"

Rubbing his head, "No after I told her that..."

"You need to tell her how you feel" JJ cut him off, "I think that if she actually heard it from you that it'd help settle all this."

"You actually think so?" he asked, unsure.

"Trust me, Hotch" JJ said emphatically, "If you want to salvage this you need to be honest with your feelings."

Hotch picked up his cell phone, quickly dialing the brunette's cell phone only to huff out a sigh and setting it down.

"I think you're wrong" he said, "She didn't answer again."

"Huh" she frowned, "Well let me try."

He watched the blonde on her own cell phone, then pulled back with a puzzled look, trying again with the phone pressed to her ear.

"Ok something's definitely wrong" she murmured, "She always answers for me."

Fearing the worst, he got out of his seat heading out of the BAU with the blonde hot on his heels.

* * *

"This is a pretty simple thing, Emily" the dark haired woman said, standing face to face with Emily, "You want to keep your pretty little teeth? Then stay away from him."

"Beth" Emily chuckled wryly, "You don't even want to threaten me."

The older brunette shoved Emily back, chuckling when the former agent nearly hit a wall, "Why? What are you going to do about it?"

"You have no idea who I am" Emily said, shrugging the tension from her shoulders.

"Does it look like I care?" Beth replied, "Shouldn't you be at work catching the bad guys?"

"Shouldn't you be out lurking in the bushes like the psycho you are?" Emily quipped.

"There's nothing psycho about me, Emily" she smirked, "Just ask Aaron."

"Aaron" Emily murmured, "Is that where you're going now? To go stalk him like the pathetic freak that you are?"

The other woman clutched onto her purse, looking down right murderous with the glare trained solely on Emily.

Emily took note of the way the other woman held onto her bag, and decided to throw in a jab.

"Oh is that what's in the bag?" Emily asked pointing to the dark shoulder bag, "Your stalker kit? You know binoculars, cameras and cell phone scanners?"

"I don't have time for your games, Emily" Beth hissed out, narrowing her eyes at Emily.

"If you're so desperate to cling onto a man who doesn't want you, maybe you should use handcuffs so he won't flee from you" Emily snapped.

"Oh Aaron has been fleeing, but not from me" Beth snickered, "From you and the drama you call your life."

"You knowing about the issues in my life is hardly shocking" Emily told her directly, "After all it was all over the news. So you might want to save that smug look for someone who doesn't profile people for a living."

Emily strolled up to the woman "But if you think I'm going to let you waltz right into the middle of my relationship and take Hotch and Jack away from me, you're even crazier then I thought."

The brunette chuckled, "Uh, as usual Emily you're missing the point."

"Then tell me" Emily demanded, "Enlighten me, Clemmons."

"Alright" she said, "What Aaron and I have isn't just a usual run of the mill relationship like the two of you had. What he and I have is so much more, so much deeper. Deeper then anything you could ever possibly know."

"Anyone could be in a relationship" Emily told her, "It takes more then sex to bond people, and if you think Hotch just easily gives away his heart then you're sadly mistaken."

"Then you know what he's like in bed" the older woman chuckled darkly, "That raw, passionate, animistic lust" looking at Emily, "But then maybe you don't. Tell me, has he ever said, those three magic little words to you? Huh, he hasn't has he?"

That made Emily pause, of course he told her that he loved her but now, after learning about him and Beth, she had her doubts.

The look on Emily's face made the older woman gleeful, "Oh, what... are you going to cry?"

"No, this look?" Emily hissed out, "This is pity, but not for you. For Hotch. I pity him for ever getting involved with a nut case like you."

"But he loved it" she grinned, "And he loves me."

"Funny, then why was he been calling me?" Emily said, holding up her cell phone, "Not once, twice or even three times within the past twenty four hours? Has he even called you once?"

Beth cocked her head to the side, "I'm sure he's just planning out how to let you down gently since you're such a fragile little china doll. You know with the whole getting killed thing."

"You know what I really want?" Emily told her, watching the woman roll her eyes, "What I really want?"

"What?" she drawled out.

"This" Emily said, balling her fist and punching Beth in the jaw watching he stumble her back connecting with the wall, "That just made me feel so much better."

Rubbing her jaw, the dark haired woman felt the sting of blood on her lip, but her eyes gleamed in excitement looking at Emily.

"You really want to go there, Prentiss?" the older woman asked.

"You have no idea" Emily smirked.

A desk clerk watched the two women, "Is everything all right here?"

"Perfect" Emily said.

"Absolutely" Beth replied, "You think you can take me on?"

"I'm going to enjoy moping the floor with your ass." Emily told her.

"I'd like to see you try that" Beth cooed, raising her hands in a come on signal.

"Make sure to have the doctors check you out for not one black eye but two" Emily told her.

The brunette glared at Emily, "I don't have time for this shit, you're lucky I'm running late."

* * *

Emily watched the woman turn to walk away but shoot a defiant look at her one that made the female agent narrow her eyes.

Before she knew what was happening, Emily shoved Beth towards the hotel lounge flinging her over the sofa.

Beth turned around catching herself on the arm of the sofa, and lifted herself to stand up.

"Oh you did not just..." she growled out at Emily.

"I told you, I'd wipe the floor with you" Emily told her.

The older brunette threw her purse down charging toward Emily, knocking them both to the ground.

"You stupid, jealous bitch" Beth shouted, rolling around with Emily on the ground both women not getting equal opportunity to stay in control of the fight.

Emily tugged on Beth's dark hair while the woman clawed her fingernails into Emily's neck and chin.

The former agent took that moment of distraction lifting her knee to shove the woman off of her to stand up and grab onto Beth's coat collar dragging her up.

That angered Beth as she charged forward causing both women to collide with the wall, all the while Beth's shouting words were heard throughout the lobby.

"I'll kill you, I'll kill you" her shrilling tone repeated, trying to cut off Emily's air supply, "I'm going to rip your face off!"

Emily tried to dig her nails into the woman's hands but decided to fight fire with fire. Stomping the heel of her boot onto the woman's high heeled foot.

"Ah!" she cried out, her hands going off of Emily in a quick moment.

That second was all Emily needed, charging at the woman like a linebacker. With herself on top, Emily tried to keep her grip on Beth both wriggling around and ended up rolling across the main floors of the hotel.

"Get off of me, you bitch" Beth shrieked, her hands shoving onto Emily's stomach finding her too strong to move.

Beth grabbed Emily's free hand, and the only thing that the desk clerks could hear was Emily's shriek.

"You bit me?" Emily hissed out in pain, "Great I'm going to need a rabies test."

That's when Beth shoved the younger brunette off of her, straddling her trying to choke her.

"Get off me, you psycho!" Emily gasped, her hands going at the woman's face, scratching and clawing at her eyes.

Beth cried out when she felt Emily's small nails scratching at her cheekbone turning to crawl away from her only for Emily to grab onto her slack covered leg pulling her back.

"Uh uh" Emily rasped out, ignoring the pain in her throat, "This isn't over."

Beth spun on her back, her heel aimed for Emily's face when a strong arm caught it and both women looked up to see Hotch holding the leg.

* * *

"Knock it off, Beth" Hotch said, "What the hell are you still doing in D.C., you said you were going to New York for a consult?"

"Aaron" she panted out, watching him quickly drop her leg to help Emily up, "Your crazy ex girlfriend attacked me."

"Funny, I thought you were his crazy ex" JJ muttered, passing Emily a tissue to wipe at the small trace of blood on her lip, "You do know that assaulting a federal agent is a crime which can land you in lock up, right?"

"Who asked you?" Beth growled out, "This is between me, him and her."

"No it's not" Hotch told her, "I told you we were over four weeks ago, I want Emily. I'm in love with Emily."

"What?" the three women said in unison, one was happy, one surprised and one angry.

Hotch faced his former brunette agent, turning his back on the unstable ex, "I'm in love with you, Emily."

Emily shook her head, backing up while Beth tried to make her presence known.

"Fine, you want her?" Beth hissed out, "Take her, but just you watch, Aaron. Don't come crying to me when she gets you killed."

That made the blonde agent angry and doing something she never does, she punched the woman in the nose.

"Ow, this isn't any of your business" Beth grumbled looking at JJ.

"You know what? I'm making it my business" JJ told her, "You made a hell of a mistake coming to my town. And you made an even bigger one messing with my friends and their relationship" keeping her eyes sharp on older woman, "So you get the hell out of our jurisdiction before I lock you up for assault."

When Beth stayed where rooted in place she saw the dark smirk hit the young blonde's face.

"Or you'll have to answer to me" JJ told her.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Beth asked, keeping her eyes locked on the younger woman.

"More then you know" JJ told her, "Because when I fight, I fight to win."

"And believe me she fights scrappy" Hotch chuckled.

The older brunette's glare went from JJ to Emily, taking a deep breath before landing on Hotch, "You two deserve each other. This town sucks."

Marching over to the couch, she grabbed her purse and gave the three a dark glare before storming out of the hotel.

Hotch turned his attention back to Emily, "Sweetheart?"

"No" she slowly said, biting her lower lip, "I told you that I needed time, not just because of your crazy ex girlfriend but because we need to figure out what we want."

"I know what I want" he told her, sighing in defeat, "I told you, I'm not giving up on us, Emily."

The brunette shook her head, "Please, give me space."

The blonde watched her two friends tense up around each other and she sighed watching Emily quickly rush out of the lobby while Hotch gave JJ a nod before heading out to the Bureau issued SUV.

"This is nuts" she murmured to herself pulling her cell phone out, "It's me. We need to talk."

* * *

"A fight is not won by just one punch or kick. Either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard." Bruce Lee

* * *

**To Be Continued...**

I hope you all liked this, don't forget to leave a review.

A/N: The person on the other end of the call, it's important. Tell me who do you think it is?...


	5. In Drastic Times

**What Is Life?**

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, but I own... Nothing that cool.

Summary: All the silent treatment and stubborn headiness is nothing compared to what happens next...

A/N: I've been racking my brain for something different, unique for chapter five which is full of surprises and that phone call was important. I hope you all enjoy this.

Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a review.

* * *

Vance Haver said, "The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs."

* * *

The brunette grumbled in protest when she heard the continuous meowing of her only companion.

"Quiet" she murmured, clamping the pillow over her head, only to hear another meow followed by a hiss, "Sergio, Mommy's sleeping."

That didn't disway the cat from his cries, the tired woman groaned in protest throwing the pillow on the bed beside her and turned to look at her whining cat, "Fine, looks like you win."

The half sleeping brunette pulled back the comforter, pushing herself off the bed nearly tripping on her own slippers.

"This day's just going to suck" she muttered to herself throwing on her zip up hoodie wandering down the kitchen with the cat following behind her.

As she paused at the door way she frowned staring at the rented house's opened window.

"Sergio, did we leave the window open last night?" she asked the cat, her former profiler skills kicking in.

The cat only gave a snort, before wandering into the kitchen looking at her with expectation.

She knew it was a mistake to move out of the comforts of a guarded hotel she'd been staying at three weeks prior, but then again beating the shit out of a someone kinda put a kibosh on the long standing, open invitation that the Prentiss family held for years at said hotel.

Shrugging her shoulders at not seeing anything wrong or out of place in her new temporary refuge, she counted herself lucky that this time she had a least some stability in her current sleeping arrangements.

To her, ever since her returned from the land of the dead, she hadn't felt like she had a real home since her departure. Well, there was those few brief months with Hotch... but shaking her head she didn't want to dwell on that.

Entering the kitchen, she pulled out Sergio's plate and a can of cat food when the hair on the back of her neck stood up and felt a presence.

Quickly setting down the food for the hungry cat, she turned and was met with a hand clamped over her mouth startling the brunette as she was pulled flushed against the intruder.

"Shh" the soft tone whispered, "Don't fight me."

The last thing she saw, before she was dragged out of her apartment, was Sergio munching away without a care in the world. She told herself that next time, she'll be getting a dog.

Hotch groaned when he heard his bedroom door creek open. The sounds of footfall approaching the bed, made him grumble, knowing it was an early hour.

He rolled over onto his stomach, he knew Jack would probably be after him for breakfast and knowing that his son's needs come before his own, he grasped the pillow under his head turning to look at the door.

The instant he heard the scuffle of shoes, his eyes shot open and he almost screamed at the sight before him. The person staring back at him certainly wasn't his son.

"What the fuck..." Hotch muttered only to be shoved face first on his bed. Struggling as one large hand kept him in place on the bed, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Shh" the voice whispered, "Don't worry."

Hotch felt his hands being tied behind his back, "What are you doing? Get the hell off me."

"Calm down" the voice told the dark haired man.

"You better fucking hope I don't get untied because when I get my hands on you..." Hotch started only to have a slab of duct tape placed across his mouth, "Mmph."

"Sure" the amused voice scoffed, bending down to help the tied man stand up.

Struggling to get himself free, Hotch was shocked when he stood face to face with his abductor.

A chuckled escaped the abductor's mouth, "Come on, we've got places to go."

Hotch glared at the face as the two made their way out of the bedroom.

Emily grimaced when she was jolted awake when the SUV she was in came to a halt.

Shoving her slipper wearing foot pass the console of the car towards the driver, "Mind telling me where the hell we are?"

"Come with me" the voice told her, "There's something you need to see."

Emily was grabbed by the elbow and pulled from the car, she quickly shut her eyes at the rising sun while being led over to another vehicle

Walking towards the black SUV, she watched the back passenger door open, "Well what do you think?"

Emily peered inside, "What the hell are you two up to now?"

Dave chuckled, while Morgan gave a cheery wave getting back into the other car, driving off.

Hotch struggled with his wrist bindings that were attached to the the front seat head rest, muffled protest coming from his mouth.

Emily leaned in ripping the tape from his mouth, "Goddamn it. What the hell are you all doing to me?"

"Excuse me?" Emily asked turning to the older man, "Dave?"

"Get in" Dave ordered lightly shoving the brunette agent in the SUV, when she looked at him, Dave pulled out some handcuffs, "Don't make me use this on you."

"So is this a recurring thing with you?" she asked fastening the seat belt, looking at Hotch, "Getting kidnapped, huh?"

The dark haired man shot her a look, while Dave slammed the backdoor, climbing into the front seat.

"My so-called best friend broke into my apartment and kidnapped me" Hotch grumbled glaring at his older friend, "At least you were given a choice, I wasn't."

Dave chuckled as he got behind the wheel and drove, "Well you're lucky I didn't go the unsub route with chloroform. If this FBI gig doesn't pan out, there's always a future in kidnapping."

"Look, not that I'm not glad that I wasn't dragged kicking and screaming from my own bed" Emily told the older profiler, "But where the hell are you taking us?"

"A little getaway" Dave said peering at the brunette pair in the rear view mirror, "We're all worried about the two of you. And between Hotch's broodiness and you're shutting down, it's either this or one of us kills one of you."

"Oh that sounds reassuring" Hotch muttered, then his mind clicked, "What the hell did you guys do with Jack?"

Dave stopped at a red light, "Oh don't worry about Jack, he's happy as a clam about all this at Jessica's. So sit back and just enjoy the drive."

"You still didn't answer my question, Dave" Emily interrupted the flow of silence, "What are you up to?"

When they felt the swivel of the tires crunching underneath the rocky and grass field, both dark haired agents looked out their windows.

"Experimental treatment" he said, quoting Reid's analysis, "Or more specifically, a scientific method to aversion couples therapy."

"What?" the two dark haired agents asked, both wondering what their friend was up to.

All around them was the quiet sound of tranquility, and a small forest across from the cabin. Coming to a complete stop in front of a sprawling beautiful cabin, both Hotch and Emily were in awe the massive size of the cabin.

"Home sweet home" Dave said shutting the engine off, "Now if I let you two out, do you think you can play nice?"

Emily could hear the scoff from the seat next to her, turning in his direction Hotch kept his eyes trained on the cabin, not looking at her at all.

"Kind of hard when someone can't take no for answer" Emily muttered, reaching for the door handle and finding it locked, "Undo the child locks, Dave."

"Are you going to behave?" Dave asked again, looking at the two agents, "Hmm?"

"Just unlock the damn door, Rossi" Emily repeated, "Unless you want the back of the SUV to smell like Sergio's litter box."

That caught Hotch's attention, even he knew that this was a bad idea. He knew that to win Emily back it was going to take more then this so called aversion couples therapy, but he wasn't the one that kidnapped the two of them from the comforts of their homes so he wasn't going to take the blame when Emily finally loses it.

"Dave, unlock the door now" Hotch told his older friend.

Dave sighed clicking the safety lock getting out of the car, undoing Hotch's restraints but keeping a firm hand on the man.

He knew how angry the two were, both had legendary tempers and if that anger was directed at him... he internally shudder wondering if this was such a bright idea. _'Oh boy...'_

"Come on, lets get you two inside" Dave said, grabbing the two go bags. He noticed the surprised look from the brunette pair "What? You didn't think I didn't go over every detail to the last niche in my double kidnappings?"

Emily rolled her eyes, rushing to the door, "I'm not even going to bother to ask who packed my go bag, just open the damn door."

"Sure thing, kiddo" Dave said shoving Hotch forward.

"I'm so going to shoot you" Hotch muttered, as he walked through the front door keeping his eyes trained on the quick moving brunette.

Emily felt a small sense of relief hit her, as she stood in the bathroom in silence and peace. She didn't hate that the team was so caring about her and Hotch. But this was about them, not about the team.

It wasn't like she was actively avoiding him, shaking her head, ah to hell with it, she was. But it was about cooling off and collecting their thoughts, to figure out just what they wanted, who they wanted. Now its probably all shoved back to square one.

But that wasn't all, it was because she hated the fact that she gave her heart out only to have it stomped on.

She hated the fact that she got close to another man only to be betrayed. She instantly thought of the man she done this to nearly a decade ago. Doyle.

Shuddering at the thought that she was now on the receiving end of a stinged betrayal, she wiped that thought from her mind. She was doing her job, Hotch wasn't.

Needing the chance to clear her mind of all the noise in it, she grabbed the soap bottle pumping the handle, she frowned when she read the label, and chuckled shaking her head.

"Ah, Dave" Emily murmured as she dried her hands, going for the bathroom door.

Pausing at the door, her ear perked up at the sound of silence she heard. That sent a thought to her former profiler mind, she needed to find away out of here, because the last thing she wanted to do was play therapy with Dave Rossi or Hotch.

Opening the door, she flinched when she saw Dave standing on the other side.

"Took long enough" Dave chuckled, "What'd you do, drink a Big Gulp before we picked you up this morning?"

"Technically you had me kidnapped" Emily reminded him, wandering down the hallway, she turned, "So what, did Hotch escape and you want me to join your bounty hunting team? Seriously Dave why the hell are we here?"

Dave sighed as they neared the stairs, "You're both here because the team is sick and tired of watching the two of you fight."

The brunette turned looking at him, "You think this is easy for me? I was never like this before, dependant on another person, let alone a man of all people" the brunette closed her eyes, "But I can't do this, I mean Hotch of all people, do you have any idea what its like to hear the person you love tell you that they're sleeping with someone else?"

The older man watched as her last shred of composure broke as a lone tear fell down her cheek, licking her lips,

"Dave, this hurts too much to think about" she sighed, "Just because I'm handling this differently then most doesn't mean that I've got a problem."

"Emily, sweetheart, I'm your friend" he sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder, "I'm the closest thing to a father you've got, and I can't help you if you don't talk about it."

Pulling the brunette into a hug, he whispered reassuring words to her, hoping that they'd broach the shell she put her heart in.

* * *

"Pretty much everyone knows that he screwed up big time, but guess what, he knows that too" he told her, "But we can't help if you don't talk about it.

"I hardly think the fact that he broke up is cause for the team to pull this kind of stunt, Dave" she sighed, "Look, not that I'm not grateful for everyone's concern but guess what? This isn't your guys problem to fix, this is mine and his."

"I get that, Emily" Dave told her, "But we're all emotionally invested in this, you two fought to hell and back to be together."

"And now he's getting all clingy because I've pulled away, well guess what? I had to" she told him, "I'm not weak but there's only so much heartache a person can take, Dave. Everyone has a breaking point and I've reached mine."

Dave felt like he was talking in circles, this was practically a similar conversation he had with Hotch, and narrowing his eyes, he knew that this was all bullshit. They still loved each other, hell he could see that while they were driving up here.

"Look, I'm not one to pick sides..." he started.

"Then don't" she clipped out, "You're suppose to be our friend, not judge me for making my decision."

"I'm not" he told her, "I understand that you're upset, but listen to me..."

"Dave, I'm not upset I'm pissed off" she told him, "You have no idea what I'm feeling and you don't have a right to know, this is my life Dave, mine."

"I don't have a right?" he lightly took hold of her arm, "You don't get it, we're family whether you like it or not, and I don't like doing this but seeing you in this much pain and not do anything about it isn't an option, you have to talk about it."

The brunette sniffled, "I don't want to, it hurts to talk about it and I can't move forward when every where I turn someone keeps reminding me of this."

"Is this because you still blame..." Dave started, but knew that he needed to put his plan into action, "Come on."

"Can you just let us go home?" she asked, "I need to get out of here, and Hotch..he needs to get back to Jack."

The older man just gave her a swift nod of the head, "Just do me one quick favor, ok?"

"What kind of favor?" she asked, wary of his sudden change of attitude.

Walking down the small staircase, Dave eyed the door closest to her, and without a second thought, he opened the door and shoved Emily in, locking it behind him.

"Hey?" Emily shouted pounding on the door, "What the hell, Dave? Dave?"

"I take it, you weren't privy to this either, Miss Prentiss?" a voice said, causing the brunette to spin around at the voice.

"Who the hell are you?" she asked, eyeing the stranger sitting across from an equally pissed off Hotch.

"Dr. Samuel Jessup" he greeted with a curt nod, "Marriage counselor."

"What?" she asked, turning to the door, "Dave? Dave? Open up, this isn't funny. Rossi?"

"That won't do any good, Miss Prentiss" he told her, "Agent Rossi and your friends hired me to help you through your problems."

Hotch folded his arms across his chest, "You do know that we were kidnapped and are being held against our will while you're trying to impart counseling on us, right?"

"I'm not here to discuss that matter" the older man replied, "I'm here to help you through your relationship issues."

The brunette sighed, moving away from the door, muttering in what the other two men could only tell was a foreign language.

"Miss Prentiss, please have a seat" Jessup instructed, watching the brunette take the end part of the couch far away from Hotch, "So, what brings you both in today?"

The dark haired pair both fold their arms across their chest, neither looking at one another nor willing to be the first to admit they had a problem.

"Uh, we were kidnapped" Emily quipped.

Sighing the doctor pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering why his onetime associate Dave Rossi brought him two stubborn people, "Ok, how about this? Why don't you both tell me one thing true about yourselves? How are you feeling?"

"Pissed off" the both answered, for different reasons.

Taking note of that, he nodded, "Alright, now we're getting somewhere."

* * *

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'." Mary Anne Radmacher

* * *

**To Be Concluded... **

Thanks for taking the time to read, I hope you press the little blue review button at the bottom.


	6. A Time To Heal

**What Is Life?**

Disclaimer: CBS + Criminal Minds = Not Me

Summary: Hotch and Emily talk to the therapist about their issues...

A/N: Ok, this is the last chapter in **"What Is Life?"** I hope you're all still with the story. This went a little differently then I planned out but enjoy.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.

* * *

"The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love." Hubert H. Humphrey

* * *

The male doctor looked up from his notes, "I see from the small dossier that your friends gave me, that you two work together."

"At one time we did" Emily mumbled, resisting the urge to grab a chair and break the window of the small office, "Look doc, I know you're just doing what you were hired by our nosey friends but I don't need counseling."

The older man scanned the notes, the one thing every single person filled out about the two said that this couple was stubborned and wouldn't relent without a fight.

"Miss Prentiss, Agent Hotchner" the man said, "Your associates hired me to help you, and I understand that you don't like this, but there are obvious signs that you both need to discuss. So how about we compromise?"

"What kind of compromise?" Hotch asked warily.

"We discuss what's bothering you, and see if we can work through this" he stated, "And if after we talk you want to go, then that'll be fine."

Hotch shrugged his shoulders willing to give it a try then looked over at Emily who muttered, "Whatever."

"Alright, who wants to go first?" the doctor asked looking at the couple sitting before him.

"I guess I will" Emily sighed, "Let me start by saying I don't think we need to be here."

"Why's that?" Dr. Jessup asked looking up from the notepad on his lap.

"Because, even though I know we've got issues" the brunette answered, looking up from her nail bed "There are some things that can't be forgiven."

Hotch hissed internally at that, he didn't want to be here either but if this helped make inroads with Emily, he was all for it.

"I think we should hear the man out" Hotch told her, "I mean it may not change anything but it could get us out of here faster."

The brunette shrugged, not paying the man beside her any mind. As much as this was still a sore subject for her, she could admit, if only to herself, that he still held a spot in her heart. And that would be there for a long time.

"Alright" Jessup said, "How about we start with the basics?"

"Fine" Hotch answered, watching her head nod in agreement.

"How long were you two dating?" he asked, looking up at the pair.

"Well, I guess we've been together for what... two and a half months?" Hotch said, looking over at Emily who was picking her thumbnail.

"Three months" she corrected, clearing her throat.

"Three months" Hotch said, "I know, that every couple hits a rough patch every now and again."

"How so?" the doctor asked.

"I was married for over twelve years" Hotch told the doctor, while Emily snorted at that.

"Something the matter, Emily?" the doctor asked.

"Nope" Emily said shaking her head "No problems here, not on this end."

"Aaron, please continue" the doctor assured the younger man.

"Ok" Hotch said inhaling, "I know that with any relationship everyone needs to sit back and re-evaluate things to make sure you're still compatible."

Emily folded her arms, rolling her eyes at his choice of wording.

"Can either of you tell me what led to your friends believing that you needed couples therapy?" the doctor asked.

The two silently looked over at each other, both did not want to revisit that incident, especially since it was still fresh in their eyes.

"Emily?" Jessup asked, "What brought you two in?"

"We're having issues" Hotch quietly answered, looking at the brunette who currently shot him a look between murderous and pained.

"Tell me about it" the doctor asked, "How did it all start out, dating-wise?"

"Here's the thing Doc..." Emily started, licking her lips, "We started dating right after our friends got married."

"Seeing the two of them happy, made me realize that life's too short to not going after what would make you happy" he told the doctor, "And I knew that if there was a chance for a happy ending that I needed to grasp it."

The doctor nodded at that, "So seeing your friends embrace their future motivated you to pursue something with Emily?"

"That and the fact that she was mulling over a job offer in another country" Hotch admitted, "I was afraid that her leaving for London would be the one thing that could really kill me."

The brunette tilted her head towards the ceiling, wondering why the hell she didn't accept Clyde's offer, things could've been so different by now...

"Emily?" Jessup interrupted her thought, "How do you feel now rejecting your job offer?"

"Like a fucking idiot" she muttered, "I could be sitting in a cafe on the other side of the world, happy."

That made the male profiler's heart clench, she could've been happy, and he ruined that with his declaration of love. Shaking his head, he didn't regret telling her his feelings because no matter what, he still loves her.

"And you were in a relationship with Beth Clemmons?" the doctor asked, not missing the way that both agents eyes clouded over at the mention of the woman's name, "I take it from the double dose of silence that, that's a yes."

"Look Dr. Jessup, here's the long story short, he ended things with Beth" Emily said, making a face, "He dumped her, we got together bam less then a two months into our relationship he starts screwing Beth like a teenager in heat."

Hotch shot her a look, "That's not true and you know it."

"Please be honest for once" she snorted, "Give me that much respect. You screwed her because and I quote, 'she doesn't need me'. Remember that? I certainly do."

"I'm not in love with her" he told Emily, "I love you."

Looking out the window towards the lake, "You had a funny way of showing it."

* * *

The doctor watched the two combative personalities, "Talk to me about the night he confessed his affair with Beth?"

Hotch closed his eyes, vividly remembering that night he wished he could take back but looked up hearing a scoff from her.

"Look, this is something I'd rather not remember" Emily quickly replied, "I mean it was bad enough living through it, why go through the hassles of having to relive it again?"

The doctor watched as Hotch pinch the bridge of his nose, "Because we haven't talked about it. We've talked about everything but it."

"Are you kidding me?" Emily asked, "Aaron, you think there's anything to discuss after you ripped out my heart and decided to play a round of kickball with it? No, there's nothing to discuss."

"Do you still love each other?" Jessup asked.

"That's not the point" Emily quickly replied, "It's about trust."

"Trust is a big factor of love" Jessup told the duo, "Because Aaron broke your trust, you're starting to doubt if he ever loved you, right?"

The brunette pursed her lips, not answering the question, cursing the psychic shrink. Hotch looked at her in shock, he couldn't believe that she ever doubted his love for her.

Closing his eyes, he cursed himself realizing, of course she doubted him, after betraying her she'd probably doubt him if he told her the sky is blue and the Earth is round.

"Aaron?" Jessup asked, "Do you still love Emily?"

"With all my heart" he whispered, looking at his hands, "And I..."

"What made you engage with this Beth woman again?" he asked, "Do you have feelings for her?"

"He dated her for over four months" Emily interjected, "Of course he's still in love with her."

"Damn it, I've never told Beth that I loved her" Hotch grumbled, "You know that I love only you Emily, for me there is nobody else."

"Then why did you sleep with her?" Emily asked, "Unless you were purposely setting out to end our relationship..." that made her frown, "You did, didn't you?"

He quirked his eyebrow up, while she peered in, "You still think you don't deserve to be happy don't you?"

That caught the doctor's attention, "What do you mean?"

Rolling her eyes, "Two years ago, Hotch's ex wife was murder. She died protecting their son, and he still blames himself for not protecting her."

Her eyes slowly moved to his frame, and she could see the wave of guilt and tremors running through him. No matter how angry she was at him for breaking her heart, she still felt sympathy for his loss.

"Aaron, may I give an opinion?" the doctor asked, meeting the Unit Chief's eyes, "Do you think that because Beth was the first real relationship since your ex wife's death, that you placed too much on it? And when you quickly ended that for a relationship with Emily you once again felt guilty for failing another woman?"

That struck Hotch, it was how he felt whether he wanted to admit it or not. Did he love Beth? No, but did he feel guilty for once again failing someone? Probably, but all he knew was that he couldn't bare to live without Emily in his life, and in Jack's.

"Dr. Jessup, as well intention as this all is" Emily pointed towards the three of them, "There are just some things that can't be fixed."

"But avoiding talking about them isn't helpful either, Emily" he replied, setting his pen down, "It's understandable to be wary and mistrustful of Aaron's apologies but to move forward whether it be to break up or to work things out, you have to meet each other halfway to talk about this. Avoidance isn't helpful in either scenario."

"So what," she drew out, "We just sit here and talk, about our feelings?"

The doctor sighed, he could tell that the two personalities were both use to being in control and having that control out of their grasp wasn't something that either were comfortable with.

The two dominate personalities were perfect for each other, if only they could hear the other out without backing down or running away. Looking at the two, he knew that this was going to take some compromise.

"Can I suggest something?" Jessup asked, "Now just hear me out..."

* * *

The brunette sat down at the table, unfolding the napkin and placing it on her lap as she emitted a sigh.

"I can't believe I agreed to this" she muttered, watching the dark haired man that she was angry with walk out from the kitchen.

"Too bad" he replied, "You agreed to it and if you want out, this is the only way."

"Talking out our feelings isn't really therapy" she told him, "I'd rather go ten rounds with Mike Tyson in a ring the deal with this."

"Like I don't know that" he said, maneuvering himself to stand in the doorway of the kitchen, "Look I know you're from the old school of not talking about your emotions, believe me, I am too but just humor an old man ok?"

Leaning forward, Emily placed her elbows on the table, "Fine Dave, just don't blame me when you come back here and find one of us dead" muttering, "And it won't be me."

The older man rolled his eyes, kneeling in front of her, "Talking this out with Aaron is the better choice. I know it's not easy and you'd rather be eating glass then dealing with this, but I promise you, at least you'll have your answers."

Hotch stood in the doorway watching his longtime friend talking to the Emily in a hushed whisper which stopped when the two became aware of his presence.

"I'm gonna go now" he said standing up, not missing the angered look Emily shot him, "Do as Jessup suggested, sit and talk, hell scream and yell. I'll even give you both permission to break everything in the house but don't leave this all unfinished" stopping at the door, "Just don't let my risotto go bad."

Hearing the door close, she didn't meet his gaze as he moved to from the doorway. She decided to bite the bullet and if this had to be done, then so be it.

"Emily" he whispered, standing before her, "I know I've said it time and again but I'm..."

"If you're going to say you're sorry, don't" she told him with a wryly, "I never doubted that you were sorry."

"But I need you to know that I am" he told her, wishing he could reach out to touch her, caress her soft skin, "I want you to believe in me, to trust me..."

"Aaron" she sighed, "Look, I just can't get over this like that" she snapped her fingers, "I know you're remorseful and genuine with your apology, but sometimes sorry just isn't enough."

Hotch hung his head, "I know."

"But you're not the only one to blame in this" she said, surprising him, "I'm responsible for this too."

"What? No Emily, you're not" Hotch started, watching her shake her head.

"Yes I am" she told him, "I didn't realize until now, that I've changed too" placing the napkin on the table she stood up, "Ever since I came back, I've been different and I thought it had to just do with returning to the BAU and me not being able to pretend that what happened last year didn't happen."

"But it's not just that, is it?" he asked.

"No" she told him, "Ever since I came back I've been too worried with trying to make up for everything that I never really focused on what I want out of life" biting her lip, "Then when Clyde came to me with that deal for Interpol, I really wanted to take it because it was something new, going somewhere to start over, a fresh start."

Hotch watched as she slowly paced in front of the table, turning to look at him, "And when you came to me the day after JJ's wedding, I planned to tell you that I was going to accept Clyde's offer."

"I know" he whispered, "I could see that in your eyes, you were ready for a change. That's why I told you about me and Beth, because I didn't want to lose you. I could see that I already was."

"And that's why you kissed me?" she asked, her cheeks turning crimson at the memory of their steamy kiss.

"Yeah, I make no apologies for that" he chuckled, "Because I waited for nearly five years to do that."

"Those were three great months" she admitted with a smile, "But we've both changed since the wedding Hotch and I don't think that this with the added pressures of the job would've lasted along with moving in together so suddenly."

"Is that why you resigned from the BAU too?" he asked, he could accept her resignation from the team but not his life, "Because if it's between us and the job, we can try to work harder together."

Walking over to him, "Aaron, I love the team, but the fraternization rule wasn't just meant to stop relationships but to keep ones that were already there in tact."

He frowned at that, closing his eyes when he felt her hand on his cheek caressing it tenderly.

"Do I still love you? Yes, but I need to make a choice between work and us, I would rather it be us then the job" she admitted.

Opening his eyes, he looked at her in shock, "Are you saying there's still a chance?"

"I don't know" she admitted honestly, "It's not going to be easy, but I do want to make it work. I just still have a hard time trusting you."

"I'll do anything to earn back your trust" he told her, kissing the palm of her hand, "And whatever it takes, whatever conditions you have, I'll do it because I don't want to lose you."

"It still hurts," she admitted, "But I love you enough to want to work through this together."

Hotch closed his eyes, pulling her close to him thanking whatever deity was listening for this second chance.

"Over the last few weeks I've missed you" she told him, "But we're going to have to work on this together, because we both want this, right?" he nodded, "Then we both have to start being open and honest with each other."

Hotch nodded, keeping a firm grip on her, "Remember Dr. Jessup said, that every relationship has it's good and bad patches, but the key thing is to work together to overcome any obstacle? I want that chance, I do want to work together to overcome this."

"I know most people will say forgiving you is a stupid thing to do" she told him, "And maybe they're right but I love you enough to want to work on this and not throw us away. Because I know what I want, and that's a life with you."

"I want that too" he admitted, holding her close to him.

Emily rested her head on his shoulder, "Do you really think we should follow through on his other advice?"

"You mean the anger thing?" he asked, a frown wearing on his face.

"Yeah, the whole if you're feeling angry then get angry because holding it in isn't going to solve anything, thing" she reminded him.

"Couldn't hurt" Hotch told her, "As long as we do it together, we can get through anything together."

Rubbing his hands up her back, he felt blessed that she had given him another chance to make this work. One that he wasn't going to take for granted a memory hit him, making him smile at the thought.

* * *

"Dance with me" Hotch whispered, looking down at the brunette with his hand extended, "Emily?"

"Aaron, what are you doing?" she asked with a raised eyebrow looking up at the man she loved, but couldn't find it in her to deny him that request. No matter how tired, angry or confused as she was.

Pulling her to him, Hotch wrapped his arms around her waist slowly moving around in tiny circles in the expansive living room.

"At the wedding, when we danced" he smiled, "That was the first moment that I knew I was in love you. I felt like we were the only two people in the world and I knew that when you danced with all of us, that if I blew my chance on telling you how I felt then I miss out on the best thing that ever happened in my life."

Interlacing their fingers together he grinned as he dipped the beauty making her giggle at the overture.

"What are you doing?" she asked as he pulled her back up to him, "Aaron?"

"I'm wooing my girl" he teased, doing a little tango step around the coffee table with her, "You heard Jessup, we need to work together and I hardly think yelling was the appropriate method in working things out."

"And you're what?" she asked, "Practicing getting us on Dancing With The Stars?"

"You're cute" Hotch sarcastically replied.

"Thanks, I like to think so" Emily replied with a grin, "Okay seriously, what is this?"

"You remember our first real date?" he asked, pressing their chests together as they moved in steps, "How I took you out dancing?"

"Salsa dancing" Emily corrected, "You asked how I learned to dance like a pro."

"And you told me, and I quote, 'Have you met my mother? Do you think Elizabeth Prentiss would have her daughter do anything half assed?'" Hotch chuckled, "And in that instant I knew that we were meant to be."

"Really?" Emily asked, pressing her face against his cheek once he started humming the beat of the non-existent music.

"Mm hmm" he murmured, crossing their legs before moving into the figure eight step, "I knew that if a smart ass remark could make my heart skip a beat, then there was no one else in the world for me then you."

Emily stopped dancing, one hand still holding his next to his chest while the other loosening it's hold on his shoulder.

"Aaron" she said softly, her eyes watering at that admittances, "That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Well I certainly hope not" he chuckled, pulling back to look at her then cupping her cheeks, "Emily there has never a single doubt in the two months that we've been together..."

"Three months" she corrected with a smile.

"Three months" he reiterated, "I never doubted that you were the only person I've always known that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Are things going to be difficult? Yeah, are we going to have fights? Of course, that's a part of life, human nature."

She smiled as he lightly traced his thumb over her red lips, his eyes sincere and soulful.

"But working through it, together" he emphasized, "That's something we've never done before because we've both been burned in the love department. That's something I'm willing to work on, together if you'll still have me."

Taking in his words, she knew that this was the first time he had ever been honest in trying to save a relationship and that made her fall in love with him even more. That he was willing to give it his all.

Oh she knew how hard he had tried for Haley, but in the end with their marriage, he knew it wasn't something his late ex wife had wanted to work on because it had been over for a long time.

But here he was fighting for her, wanting her to fight for them.

Emily wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him into a deep kiss. Both were giving everything in that moment, for them. For their future.

As she slowly swayed them backwards towards the couch, the fervent need to touch him running through her veins.

Her tongue lightly brushed across his, soft and methodically taking in his essence. Her hand ran up his neck pulling on it with her fingers as they both were filled with so many emotions.

Love, hope, promise and need. A need to be connected.

Emily gently spun them around so her back would fall on the couch with him toppling on her. Panting he looked down at the love struck woman and his felt his heart speed up.

A small giggle escaped her throat once he realized that she wanted to make the next step to be his choice.

The pad of his thumb brushing across her lower lip, he dipped down to kiss her, one of a soft and genuine kiss.

"Sweetheart" he murmured against her lips then sat up, "As much as I'd love nothing more then to make love to you all night long, I want to take this slow."

A frown ran across her face, and he pulled her up and into his arms, content with the warmth of her slender frame next to his.

"This night, as renewing as it is" he said, pressing a kiss on her head, "Isn't about sex, it's about reconnecting."

"Some would say that sex is a way to reconnect" she told him.

"Yes, some would say that" he wryly chuckled, "But I want this to be about us connecting not just on that level but on the most elemental of level."

She bit back a smile, when he brought their entwined fingers up to his lips and kissed them.

"I want us" he told her, "Every single moment. The good and the bad."

Tilting her head up, she gave him a small nod before peppering his face with light kisses.

"You're making it very hard" he murmured, hearing her chuckle, "To resist you."

"I know" she teased, laying her head on his chest placing her hand in his own, "But if this is what you want, I guess I can respect your wish."

"I love you" he whispered, wrapping his free hand around her waist, "Thank you, Emily."

No matter how much they each yearned for that touch, they both wanted to start over slowly and together.

Because both knew the other was the other half of them.

* * *

Doug Horton said, "Smile, it's free therapy."

* * *

**THE END**

This was a little different then what I normally do, but I hope you all enjoyed it. Leave a review.


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